I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
