I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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