But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
