Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry about my life...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
