your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
