omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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