i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
