Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
