whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
