my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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