Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
