There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
