Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
