my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
