It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
