Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
