He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
