I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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