Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
