Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
