i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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