I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
