its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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