Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
