He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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