The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
