I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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