bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
