I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
