and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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