you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
