Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
