I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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