i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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