True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
