I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
