Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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