we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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