please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
