After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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