Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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