Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
