Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
