You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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