I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drunk is a universal language darling
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
