i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
