Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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