what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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