he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
