dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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