so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
