New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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