I got chris browned last night
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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