Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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