all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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