if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
